Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
