I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
