There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
