Someone shit on the floor
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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