All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
