me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
