Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
