She is in my trunk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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