The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
