BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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