What did we do last night that was yellow?
4 words: hood of his car
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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