if only i could text you this smell
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
