Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
