You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
