Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
