I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
