i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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