He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
