my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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