those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
