last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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