I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
