my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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