Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
porn star boner night. come get it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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