i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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