I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
