he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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