She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
