We're like a lot better than the average bears
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
