everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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