direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
