im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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