Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
