Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
