Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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