i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
