Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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