I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
