he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
