So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
