ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
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He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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