I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
