Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
