that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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