He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
