what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
