Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
