My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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