Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
