Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
