I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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