So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Boobs are out for the taking
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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