i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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