$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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