You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
