i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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