I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is wine microwaveable?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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