It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
please don't ironically join a cult
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