ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
