Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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