Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize