Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
