I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
