Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have post one night stand depression
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