Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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