wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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