If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
