we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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