I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
