1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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