I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
