She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
