is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
