I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
