Define "chronic" masturbator.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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