3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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