Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
