filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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