Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
