just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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