i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
