Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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