he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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