Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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