I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
